Most people say “Apple.”
Others “Ant.”
The more creative blurt out “Aardvark.”
The crass “Ass.”
Dad – “Anti-communist. Anti-semitic.”
A week ago, dad collapsed outside the hospital after dialysis while waiting for a cab. His blood pressure plummeted. He was in the ICU for the night while they stabilized his blood pressure and tried to determine if he had a blood infection. On Sunday, while still in the ICU, he tried leaving the hospital “against medical advice.” He had done this before, but this time they gave him a psychological evaluation. He failed and they determined he was incapable of understanding the ramifications of his decision. They gave him a “sedative” to calm him. But later that night, he ripped out an IV so they put his hands in restraints. Not sure I have been able to process that yet.
Throughout the week, he got better, his mind cleared and during Friday’s psychological evaluation, they asked dad, “what is a word that starts with the letter ‘A’?” He responded “anti-community, anti-semitic,” passed the test and is now back at home. Doctors recommended he go to a in-patient rehab center for a week to regain his strength. He refused. The doctor mentioned hospice but he said, “I am not ready for that.” As a compromise, they set up a meeting to discuss in-home rehab and health care. He said sure and then quickly dismissed the nurse when she came over to the house – she had halitosis.
So here we are, dad back at home, weakened again from a trip to the hospital but unwilling to accept home care that will help him regain his strength or even just improve his quality of life. He did vocalize that he is dying, so maybe that is the first step. All the while, the emotional shit-storm builds up force all around him… but that post must wait.
Bro

5 comments
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April 18, 2010 at 9:08 pm
Phil Donnelly
Its so tempting to saY ‘dON’T WORRY’
i HOPE IT DOESN’T SOUND BANAL OR INSULTINGLY PATRONISING,
but it sounds like your Dad is on a journey, Slower than those around him,
but progressing towards the inevitable, while trying to retain some control over his environment. i think it’s going to be ok.
April 19, 2010 at 5:57 pm
dealingwithdad
Thank you Phil. I am learning that you are right. Bro
April 26, 2010 at 7:44 pm
Not Telling
Thanks for being brutally honest. It’s not politically correct to complain about dealing with a terminally ill cancer patient. But it can be a nightmare-they are scared.
My husband has been battling advanced cancer for years, while I raise teenage boys and work. He tries. I’m at wits end most days. They don’t know what to make of it and I try to figure out how to explain what a normal existence is.
Please give your sis lots of gift certificates to the local Spa.
April 29, 2010 at 4:56 pm
dealingwithdad
Thank you so much for your post and our thoughts are with you. Sis has a great husband and the spa next to dad’s house knows her by name. Bro
April 29, 2010 at 7:27 pm
Sis
Thank you for the kind spa wishes. Bro also needs the spa and a side of Jack! There is no normal when your loved one has cancer and the entire family suffers. Have faith that your teenagers are seeing what an incredible amazing job you doing by getting up each morning and getting through each day doing the best you can.
The lessons they are learning from you will make them incredible adults.
Wishing you many spa certificates,
Sis