Words that start with the letter “A”

Most people say “Apple.”

Others “Ant.”

The more creative blurt out “Aardvark.”

The crass “Ass.”

Dad – “Anti-communist. Anti-semitic.”

A week ago, dad collapsed outside the hospital after dialysis while waiting for a cab. His blood pressure plummeted. He was in the ICU for the night while they stabilized his blood pressure and tried to determine if he had a blood infection. On Sunday, while still in the ICU, he tried leaving the hospital “against medical advice.” He had done this before, but this time they gave him a psychological evaluation. He failed and they determined he was incapable of understanding the ramifications of his decision. They gave him a “sedative” to calm him. But later that night, he ripped out an IV so they put his hands in restraints. Not sure I have been able to process that yet.

Throughout the week, he got better, his mind cleared and during Friday’s psychological evaluation, they asked dad, “what is a word that starts with the letter ‘A’?” He responded “anti-community, anti-semitic,” passed the test and is now back at home. Doctors recommended he go to a in-patient rehab center for a week to regain his strength. He refused. The doctor mentioned hospice but he said, “I am not ready for that.” As a compromise, they set up a meeting to discuss in-home rehab and health care. He said sure and then quickly dismissed the nurse  when she came over to the house – she had halitosis.

So here we are, dad back at home, weakened again from a trip to the hospital but unwilling to accept home care that will help him regain his strength or even just improve his quality of life. He did vocalize that he is dying, so maybe that is the first step. All the while, the emotional shit-storm builds up force all around him… but that post must wait.

Bro

What to do…

Hi everyone. Sis and I apologize for the hiatus. I wish it were good news but things have gone south, Antarctica south. I don’t like leaving posts like this, but I do not have the time nor mental energy to write anything even moderately creative (even by my low standards). I am writing this because I received a DM on Twitter (you know who you are) asking how we were doing and I was deeply touched by their concern, especially since I have never met them in the “real world” before. And I know there are many “real world” friends that read this and want to get the word out to you as well. So, here is what is going on:

Dad is both broke and losing his mental capacity. He is with it enough to have doctors and lawyers doubt someone will sigh a paper saying he cannot make his own decisions, but gone enough to fly off into a rage, threaten to kill Sis. The last time I saw him he was literally rising out of his seat, screaming for me to “shut the fuck up” and this was with Lil ‘Bro at the table.

There is something wrong, terribly wrong, but we are getting very little help from the doctors. His kidney specialist says he thinks dad needs help but it is not his place to sign the letter that would give us power of attorney. His primary care doctor is on vacation till Tuesday. And his assistant said, “I spoke with him last week, he seemed fine.” Considering that last week dad shat all over his bedroom, I am just left scrating my head.

He is also defaulted on his home loan, ran up hundreds of thousands of dollars on a line of credit against his house, had his phone and internet shut off, didn’t pay Lil ‘Bro’s health insurance (who tore his MCL and was denied converge until his mom paid $800 to have it restored) and emptied his retirement account, put it into a “business deal” which has already burned through all the money.

Yes, I agree – what the fuck?! But it gets “better”…

Sis and I had dinner with him the other night and he said, “I have a family announcement to make.” Which means its time for crazy talk.

I am leaving you each (including Lil ‘Bro) ten million dollars. But I have learned that my kids have destroyed my business by speaking with my employees (dad hired 6 people who all walked out a couple weeks in because they could not be part of what one called ‘a fraudulent business’). If you ever contact any of my employes again, I will disinherit you.

So, Sis and I are at our wits end. We don’t know how to help or who can help. We are putting together a letter and taking pictures of the house (he shat all over his bed and chair the other day, again) to share with the doctor on Tuesday when he returns in hope he signs a letter giving us (me) power of attorney.

But I will be very honest, I do not want to take power of attorney over dad. I am maintaining my post out of loyalty to Sis and Lil ‘Bro, but we all know that he will challenge it and fight us every step of the way once we get a doctor’s letter saying he is incompetent. His doctors and lawyers have all said independently, “this is the worst of worst case scenarios and he is going to go down fighting till the end… I am very sorry for you all.” The only way we will ever be able to help dad is if he is put away… yes, I said it. Put away in a home where were he will be taken care of but make life a living hell for all of those around him since he still thinks he “is fine” and will be a ‘billionaire next week.” I want to give power of attorney to someone else, a third party that doesn’t have an emotional attachment to the situation. Can I do that? Who would take it? But I don’t think that is what family does to family even if I never even had a deep relationship with dad. I keep hearing this voice in the back of my head, “but he’s still your dad” so that means I take another bite out of this shit sandwich every dad (while did eats about five of them per meal).

Sis and I want your thoughts and solutions, but please understand, this is not just a sick, tired old man. He was known as “The Fucker” by his business partners when he was at the top of his game because he never lost. And now he is losing in the biggest way. He is at the end of his life without the one thing that he valued most in life and what he used to measure his success against everyone else – money. He admits he is broke but is delusional that he will pull off the deal of a millennium this week (by today, actually), buy a jet, a ranch in Florida (with an airstrip), start a foundation to help inner city kids (he offered me the Executive Director position for $300K/yr., but graciously declined), and a new cancer wing at the Cleveland Clinic (run and designed by Sis for $300K/yr).

And I am rambling because I look at the option in front of us and just don’t know what to do… today’s shit sandwich is served on rye. I hate fucking rye.

Bro